the new apple is so gay

You’ve probably heard that Apple’s iconic CEO Steve Jobs has stepped down due to poor health. You can find lots of analysis about what is going to happen to Apple elsewhere, but let me just add that our own household’s retirement plan now involves a mattress and a shotgun.

The new CEO, Tim Cook, is clearly a genius who has organized the supply chain for Apple’s upcoming projects, managed the business while Steve has been sick, and is by all accounts an excellent choice for this position. Also, he is gay.

This last bit has been underreported, according to some, either because of homophobia or because we are all so not homophobic that no one even cares at all that he is gay, I mean why should it matter who he sleeps with? it doesn’t bother us at all, we have lots of gay friends and we are so cool with the gays. You decide.

My thought is that in the race of marginalized groups (where all blacks are men, all women are white, and all gays are white men with impeccable style), Team Gay just zoomed past Team Women, who have been looking fatigued and bedraggled ever since Hillary lost to Barack. Team Gay have the edge with Cook, their star sprinter who now runs the mostest awesomest company in the world (and I guess they have some money, too), but Team Women are counting on their marathon-level endurance skills honed over the last two centuries. Team Black is still doing well with its top spot as leader of the free world, but then again, no one is looking to trade places with them currently.

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