you had to know this was going to happen when you asked me to join

I’ve been trying to hold back over here- really I have- but this one is just too mind boggling for me to resist.*

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the Conservapedia essay- Women wearing pants:

Or, in simple human language:

John Quinn wrote:
The woman who pioneered women wearing pants was the actress Katharine Hepburn. She became rich and famous but never experienced a happy marriage and never knew the joy of having children. Her philosophy of life of being unfeminine resulted in her not fulfilling her purpose of life. We reap what we sow. There are consequences for actions. Women wearing pants is cross-dressing. It should be looked down on as much as men wearing dresses. The social experiment of feminism to destroy any sense of difference between male and female in the twentieth century has resulted in women wearing military camouflage fatigue pants and boots. The Bible says cross-dressing is an “abomination of God.”

So, yeah, ladies: if you wear pants, you’re committing an abomination before god. Good luck with that. And believe it or not, this gem has been around since 9 December 2007.

You know what else? I didn’t even find this essay directly. I ran across it incidentally after finding the essay Rules of Chivalry for Students by none other than our good friend, Andrew Schlafly:

A few of the more bizarre bits of advice below, with editorial remarks:


Be appreciative when girls bake cookies for the entire class.

I have been in school a long time and can say with certainty that there has never, ever been a time when I needed to know the proper way to respond to a female student baking cookies for the entire class.

Compliment girls (appropriately).

Well, my whole “Are those astronaut pants you’re wearing” schtick is right out, then.

Refrain from staring, commenting or whistling at attractive girls.

Just in case you didn’t get the message already, I guess. And as long as we’re on the subject, what exactly is going on in these homeschool classrooms, anyway?

Open doors for girls and help them to sit down.

I know what he’s talking about but the latter part of that sentence makes me think of something else.

If on a date with a young lady, behave with respect and decorum. Imagine how you would feel if she were your sister.

Pretty creepy, really, since I don’t feel that way about my sister.


Put your superior social skills to good use by welcoming others.

What does that even mean? Is this where the cookies come in?

Do not attempt to embarrass a boy, as in trying to beat him in arm-wrestling or bragging that you did better on a test.

Okay, first, this shows a considerable degree of arrogance on Schlafly’s part since he’s assuming that men have anything to do with the motivation of women to do well on tests and so forth. I just don’t think men are the center of the universe for women, you know? Second, does this mean we can expect Sarah Palin to bow out of the race any day now so she doesn’t “embarrass” Obama or Biden?

Avoid excessive gossip.

Reasonable levels of gossip, though, are totally okay.

Dress modestly, not provocatively or suggestively.

“Burqas! Get your burqas here! Keep those ankles covered!”

I am simply flabbergasted.

* I'm trying people, really I am.

5 thoughts on “you had to know this was going to happen when you asked me to join”

  1. Jenn Lena – pull out your sewing kit (the one in your purse) and make those pants into a dress. Quick, before someone sees your “abomination of God.”

    Poor Sarah Palin, her first big speech and she’s already on the wrong side of this issue. I guess it was appropriate that she followed fellow cross-dresser, Rudy Giuliani.


  2. Hmmm… that’s a toughie, Jenn Lena.

    Okay, first, damage control: are these provocative or suggestive pants?

    Second, you’re at work: are there any men around who might feel bad because you’re better at your job than they are?

    Third: How many cookies did you bring to the office with you today?


  3. If I’ve already gotten so confused about my purpose in life, how can I know the qualities of my pants, or determine the effects I have on the men in my environment? This little woman is confusered.

    …and I have no cookies. How do we feel about dried pineapple slices?


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