why liberals suck (at being liberals)

I like listening to books-on-tape in the car. This is probably because I’m getting older and can’t stand most of the music played for “kids these days” on the radio. I wouldn’t mind listening to more talk radio if I could find someone who shared my biases. Even that darn NPR is too far to the right for me with its nutty journalistic commitment to “balance.” Please! You can’t “balance” the truth with a bunch of lies.

The last couple of weeks I have been making my way through a recorded version of James Carville and Paul Begala’s book, Take it Back. The idea of the book is to call Democrats on the carpet for (1) being wimps that need a backbone transplant, (2) being too darn complicated in their approach to their message, and (3) just generally being intellectually elitist in their attitudes.

That’s a message that the Dems need to be hear, but I’m having trouble getting through the book because its tone is so insufferable. It’s ironic in a way, because despite their attempts to seem all down-homey (the CD starts with some nice banjo playing), they end up being just as condescending as the wimps they’re attacking. It’s also pretty easy to call other people wimps when you don’t have much to lose. And, despite the fact that the most-used phrase in the book is, “It’s simple,” they end up dealing with an extremely wide array of issues that I can’t even keep track of (we’re talking five full-length CD’s).

In the end, these guys end up proving their own point and demonstrate exactly why liberals can’t make it on the talk radio circuit: They’re boring. There are a lot of ways to be boring including getting into complications and details no one can follow, not giving people a take-home sound bite, and just generally yammering on about things people don’t really care about that much. But these guys’ biggest problem is they can’t write or tell a joke that’s worth a damn.

The “best” one I’ve heard so far: “They [the dems] are, in our view, like the proverbial blind people examining the donkey…Hey! We’re Democrats and we can’t very well use an elephant analogy!”

I think if I ever run for president, a good fraction of my campaign budget is going to be used to hire Jay Leno and Jerry Seinfeld to write jokes for me.

5 thoughts on “why liberals suck (at being liberals)”

  1. I wouldn’t mind seeing Carville and Begala relegated to the sidelines of discourse about what Democrats should be doing, and relegated to the outer parking lot of discourse about how Democrats can be funnier.

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  2. Aren’t these two the ones that took the Democrats to the so-called center in the first place? I can see what their trouble is: there’s nothing funny about welfare reform.

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  3. It’s true that no one has yet released the “Big Book of Welfare Reform Jokes.” And on the surface, there might not seem to be much comic gold to mine there, but then again, I might refer to Al Franken’s chapter 42 of the now classic _Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot_. The chapter is called “The Desperate Need for Entitlement Reform or My Generation is Hopelessly Screwed.” The chapter is really about Social Security Reform, but I think it provides a needed model for a new generation of jokes about welfare reform!

    I once wrote a very hot letter to Connie Chung about a bogus, John Stossel-esque, story she did about welfare. And although my comments were more bitingly sarcastic than actually funny, the trip from smart ass to joker can be surprisingly short! Maybe I’ll dig that letter up and post it…I bet we could get a hoot out of that, along with a bunch I’ve written over the years to none other than Mr. Limbaugh himself (still waiting for a reply).

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