The pharmacy giant (and purveyor of fine energy drinks including Blue Monster), CVS, has one of those oh-so-convenient member card programs in which you can get some miniscule (but significant) amount of money back. Having been in possession of one of these cards for a couple of years, I have yet to use it because I constantly forget to bring it into the store with me. In fact, I often wonder how many billions of work-hours have been wasted with the following exchange (and equivalents):

Clerk: Do you have a CVS extra-care card?

Me: No.

Clerk: Would you like to apply for one?

Me: Actually I have one, but I left it in the car.

Clerk: Would you like me to look it up for you?

Me: That’s alright.

Clerk: Are you sure? It’ll just take a second. I just need your phone number.

Me: OK. (guessing which phone number to use): 574-555-7827.

Clerk: (tappity tap). I’m sorry that’s not in our system.

Me: Hmmm must be: 574-555-4355.

Clerk: (tappity tap). Sorry. That’s not there either.

Me: Never mind.

Clerk: I’m sorry.

But I’m losing the thread of this post, which is going to (I swear) revolve around the name of this card–the “extra” care card. Apparently, the CVS marketing gurus have seized upon this term and intend to use it to launch CVS right past Walgreens into first place in the NASCAR standings (or something like that). So, they now have a whole campaign focusing on “extra this” and “extra that.”

Evidence was presented to me recently in Washington as I was searching for the above-mentioned energy drink and every window of the CVS I visited exclaimed the incredible extras I could receive if I darkened their doorstep. This included, not surprisingly, EXTRA SERVICE. Thank goodness for that! I can’t possibly get by with service–I’m going to need a little “extra service” IYKWIM.

But hold on a second there bucko…* What exactly is their description of “extra” service? Turns out it is “prescriptions ready when promised!” When promised? I hate to break it to you, CVS, but that is not “extra” service. That is service. If you tell me you are going to do something and then you do it–that’s it. You’ve fulfilled your promise–anything less and you’ve fallen short.

That’s like saying that if I buy a candy bar and there is actually a candy bar inside the wrapper, that I’ve gotten extra candy! It’s a sad state of affairs when we not only mistake basic competence for superior service, but we actually accept this as an advertising ploy that might draw us into the store. Doing so also conditions us to accept lousy service as being normal and perfectly adequate. That way when they don’t fulfill their promise, we can deal with it better under the notion that, well, they can’t ALWAYS go the extra mile (and do what they told us they were going to do).

But that’s not all. Check out the fine print here. These folks are so enamored with this little phrase they have TRADEMARKED it! I almost don’t know what to say. We’re advertising our admitted incompetence and our unwillingness to live up to our own promises to our customers and we’re so proud of it that we want to claim it for ourselves. No one else can claim to be as incompetent as we are or we’re going sue them! So back off Walgreens! You go think of some other way get your customers to think that getting screwed by you is actually a GOOD thing!

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* extremely obscure Happy Days reference.